i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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