I think I died a long time ago.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
