Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
