It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
