if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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