this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
