I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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