Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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