You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
