Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My hand turned me down
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
