i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
