Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
