I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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