She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
