it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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