Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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