I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
