can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
