Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
