what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
