Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
