I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
