Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it hurts more in the daytime
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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