You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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