broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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