I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
