one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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