Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
