I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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