From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
