Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think i got beer on your cat.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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