i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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