When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
