I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
