the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
