I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
