I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
