if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
