i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
