Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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