It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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