It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
