My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
