Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
