My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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