I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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