I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
