Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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