dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
