were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You left your phone here
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