Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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