just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
