id be glad to
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
