Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
