S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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