Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
