even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
