great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I look better un-naked...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
